Just say NO!

Last week I was talking with a friend about cultural differences between Italy and India. One of his biggest frustrations was that Indians were no good at saying "no". He joked that they say it by saying "yes" very softly.

Is that a cultural difference? I spend A LOT of time interpreting what DOESN'T get said, which is why I make it a point to say NO when I know I'm not going to change my mind and warning people when I'm going to be late instead of rushing and hoping they won't be mad at me for being late. I call it BEING REALISTIC and TAKING RESPONSABILITY.

But maybe that, too, is a cultural difference between me and the culture where I live.

I'm going to have to do an informal survey.

Notary not such a deadbeat

I told you yesterday about the Notaio appointment the seller was supposed to make and that his inability to get that appointment was sounding an awful lot like indifference to me. As a result of that I had started getting some estimates on how much this little transaction is going to cost us.

Well. I found 10 notaios to contact. I called all of them. Mostly friendly people, only one would not give an estimate by email (must make an appointment. No thank you). and only ONE had NO ONE answering the phone (not even an answering machine) on Friday afternoon (which is when I started asking for estimates). As it turns out, THIS just HAPPENS to be the chosen notaio of our Seller. Yesterday Seller tells us that this office just hasn't called him back (not surprising).

Also, incidentally, this is the same notaio that we used when we (didn't get any estimates because we didn't know you could) bought our apartment. I was shocked because he asked for an INSANE amount of money (and I've done LOTS of comparing since that time) and asked us for AN ENVELOPE WITH CASH (as in money he would not declare).

So this is not only the Corrupt notaio, but the guy who doesn't answer the damn phone. It's HIS fault we can't get this apartment bought. How annoying.

Just to give him a fair shake, though, I am going to call and try to get an estimate today. See if he answers. Hold on, here...

PAUSE.

Not only did someone answer, but they also gave me a lightning fast estimate by email. The price was on par with the others (no mention of cash envelopes, of course!)

So now we know that someone works there. It remains to be seen if we will get that appointment. If, and when, we do, at least I know the price will be decent (barring any surprises).

Two things I'm proud of from yesterday

I did two things as a result of my self-righteous blogging yesterday. I am proud of both.

1. I said no to a job I did not want to do and which was an INSANE amount of work for what it would have paid. This was a result of my decision-making post.

2. After posting about not spending, I decided NOT to use public transportation to get to work yesterday. Even spending that dollar totally BUGGED me and made me feel like a hippocrite.

So I took out the running stroller and baby and I RAN to work. The best part was that since it FINALLY cooled off, there was a moment where I actually felt kind of COLD. Loved that. I also got the great rush of having a NO-SPENDY Monday.

Yeah.

Try not to spend money today

I have been observing my local family members lately. They are spending addicts. They need to get their daily fix. They look for any way they can to spend money they can justify as "necessary."

The way they do this is by going grocery shopping every day. Even if it's just a couple of things, they can justify this compulsive shopping as something they are doing for the family.  They still do the MAJOR GROCERY SHOPPING on the weekends but then supplement their mega-shopping with baby shopping every day.

Well that stuff adds up and by the looks of it, it's so NOT about the food. It's about the rush you get from spending money. It's not good.

I used to do something similar with grocery shopping and books. I called those "work expenses" even though I just liked having new books.

Now I go to the library for books and dvds and I try to challenge myself to go as many days as I can without spending anything. When I do, it's for bus tickets usually. I try to limit my grocery shopping to the big trips, although I do have lapses.

This might sound extreme, but saving money on a daily basis can be as big a rush as spending it. And it's better for your financial health. Believe me.

Has he changed his mind about us?

We have been in talks for quite a while to buy an apartment "a nuda proprietà" which means that the seller can stay in the house until he/she (gulp) dies. This can be a good deal for both parties in that the seller gets a chunk of money to pay for, say, home nurses, eating out more, whatever, and the buyer gets a discount on the price of the house, which is linked to the life expectancy of the seller.

We made our offer in, I think, June. The seller verbally accepted. At the time he seemed to be in a hurry, while we weren't (we were hoping to get our account a little fatter before writing that BIG downpayment check). At any rate, his ONLY job was to make an appointment with the notaio (they don't use lawyers for these things here, but legal notaries, and they cost like lawyers. Ouch!). Well. Fast forward to September. No appointment. Every week we talk and it's like "yes yes, this week, I will make the appointment". So we decided to get an estimate from the different notaios. Those guys like to make you wait too. But the estimates are coming in and, in the meantime, no appointment.

It is this reluctance to ACT that is making me think he changed his mind. And if he did it's no big deal. It's just annoying that he hasn't said anything.

But his (in)action speaks pretty loud.

So I am already making new investments in my head. Rather than waiting for him to break up with us, I am already looking for new ideas, new places. I am also thinking about how nice it is to have some money in the bank account. Not a bad idea to let it grow, even if it's not really generating any kind of wealth. It's a nice safety net.

So now we will see what happens. Will he make the appointment and clean out our account? Will he tell us he changed his mind? Will he sit and do nothing until we can't stand it anymore and call the thing off ourselves?

You see, either way is fine with us. We just want to know.

Our financial group has a new mission

Marina and I have decided that we are going to limit the scope of our financial group to concentrate on one thing. We want to get together and do the exercises in the Overcoming Underearning book. That will give us plenty to do. Money issues are so personal, and so intimate, that we really want to have time to be able to write about, discuss, and explore every chapter IN DEPTH.

I can't wait. Time to set a date.

Simplify simplify simplify

Every day this week I am taking two garbage bags into every room of my house and creating a small tornado. In one bag I am putting garbage, and, in the other, stuff for charity. I did this for 10 minutes this morning and filled an entire bag with clothes to give away. I had been hanging on to them for years. My hoarding was a result of seeing how expensive new clothes were here. No TJ's!! It was like I went back to living in the Depression-era.

When I have my way I wear the same stuff over and over again. I realize that no one really notices but me. Or at least I don't notice other peoples' clothes that much. So I am giving those clothes away. Now my life feels lighter and my thoughts are clearer.

Funny how that works. You feel richer when you have less stuff.

Who is in control of your pizza?

Lately I am convinced that if you want to gain a higher position at work, or, frankly, in life, you must be able to make decisions. 

Here is an example and an experiment I tried myself. When I arrived here in Italy and we started going out for pizza, I noticed that the pizza menus were  FULL of choices (think family restaurant with 30 pages of choices in America). There were sometimes up to 10 pages of DIFFERENT kinds of pizzas you could order.

Well, at first I just couldn't decide because the number of choices was overwhelming. So I did what my husband did. I ordered the same thing (as him) every time: 4 formaggi. Funny how too many choices can paralyze you.

But then I decided I needed to try new things so I changed approach. Instead of doing it myself, I gave the choice to the Pizzaiolo. I figured HE was a professional, let him choose, and it IS a choice on the menu (called "fantasia del pizzaiolo"). That would at least give me some variety. I did that for a couple of years and had some really amazing pizzas and only one dud (deep-fried but not breaded egg plant makes for an overly greasy pizza. Fail.) One notable pizza had a fried egg on it and was covered with shaved truffles-- that was a really good pizza.

I got lots of credit for being adventurous from friends and family (almost NO ONE takes the fantasia option), but I still wasn't making any decisions.

Then I decided to CONSCIOUSLY MAKE DECISIONS about everything instead of LETTING THINGS HAPPEN.

I started looking at the menu and actually deciding to order a different pizza every time. Once in a while I allow myself a repeat.

Do you make decisions in your life? Think about it. Here is a quick self-evaluation.

1. What do you have for dinner at home? Do you try new dishes or are you on a routine of tried and true favorites?
2. When you go out to eat, do you try new places or do you go to the same places?
3. What do you order when you go out? Do you try something new each time or do you just have "the Usual"?

And, finally, and I believe this is related.

4. Do you allow yourself to say NO to people or do you go into sleep mode until the other person figures out that you don't want to do it?

There are a lot of non decision-makers out there if you think about it. Don't be one of them.

Heck, you can even make some wrong decisions. It is still better than avoiding them.

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I'm here sort of

Things are good. Busy. I will be back soon. Promise.