Learning to crawl takes time

You always hear about little people learning how to walk, but never learning how to crawl.

After that last post I decided to take a little walk with the dog and the baby.

Remember when I told you about how she was learning to crawl next to me that time?

Well, fast forward a couple of weeks and guess what. She is still learning to crawl. Sometimes she goes backwards, sometimes she gets a leg caught under the couch, sometimes she falls flat on her face. But she's still trying. She's careful. She wobbles. She sees a toy she wants and she gets close enough to grab it and sits back on her tush. I wonder sometimes if she'll ever do it. Then I look down and she's accross the room, still wobbling, still unsure, but THERE instead of HERE.

Learning to crawl takes a long time and it's hard work.

Find your Messy Corner and stop being a weeny!

One by one I am trying to plow through the things I don't like to do. As they say, actually I have been reading it everywhere lately, the difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people do what others don't like to do.

So I am choosing the messiest part of my house (starting with the kitchen sink, like Fly Lady says) and my psyche, and am making a commitment to spend a little time working on them each day.

Today's messy bit of the psyche is called relationship maintenance. I let too much time pass before I get in touch with people I care about, making me look like a passive weeny. I am always happy once I do get in touch or have a nice conversation, I am just lazy about doing it for some reason.

For the record, you can be a passive weeny with me and I will always forgive you, but I will try to cultivate our friendship a little more actively.

Starting now.

Getting my day in order

I told you about Fly Lady dot net yesterday. Well, I did step one kept my sink shining and today I got up and got dressed head to toe first thing, which was step two. Even gave my nail polish a touch-up.

Now I have to get ready to go to the dentist to finish up my work from last week and get a cleaning.

Yesterday's finish-up-what's-in-the-house supper was a success. I took the beans, petrified carrots, onion, and taters and threw them in a pot for a couple of hours, then took out enough for dinner, puréed it and threw in some curry and cream (naughty naughty!) and it was awesome. I took another bowl of it and threw it in the freezer for a rainy day and the rest I split up for our lunches today. Today's version looks more like stew. I love making soup, the next day you feel so skinny.

I forgot to do something with that ground beef, though. Will think of something today that can be tomorrow's lunch since we're going out with friends tonight for chinese. There's not much going on in Trieste as far as ethnic food but there is one (of many) Chinese restaurants that is really good. I've already got steammed dumplings on the brain.

This not going to the store all week trick  is not as easy as it sounds. I'm used to stopping at the grocery store to pick up a couple of things as a motivator to take the dog out, because I feel more productive if I'm doing two things at once. Now I am going to have to embrace the walking for walking's sake concept. When you start making a habit of NOT spending money, grocery shopping sometimes masquerades as necessity. It's the one place you can actually justify spending money and, I must admit, spending money does feel good sometimes. Of course what I buy doesn't matter, it's the thrill of buying something. This is a good exercise to get over that.

Which sounds extreme, but what if shopping were just about getting what you needed and NOT about getting some other kind of thrill?

I would certainly be richer if this were the case.

A Company's Job is to Innovate

That's what I've got in my head today. Sometimes you need to sit down and reflect on what is working, let go of what is not, tweak things and move on.

I am trying to tweak my habits a bit. In particular I am trying to force myself to get things done as they come to me, rather than think and worry about them until I have to react to them.

Case in point. I broke a tooth on Saturday. A TOOTH!!

Now that little rascal was bugging me for months, but I was too afraid to go to the dentist. I have never really gone to one in Italy, so I was worried about what kind of materials he would use (wooden mallet? Piece of string on a doorknob?), how much it would cost me, etc. Actually, who am I kidding. I was just worried he would say "Take 'em out!" and suggest I get implanted dentures, which is what a whole heap of people have around here. My solution to the problem: wait.

I waited and waited until the thing just fell apart, busted in half (it broke on a soft piece of pasta, by the way! I didn't even get the satisfaction of having it break on a beer nut or something hard at least!). Granted, it wasn't the front tooth (maybe I would have been faster about getting a dentist in that case), but having a tooth break just isn't my idea of a good time.

So I went to my friend, Dr. Gianni, the dentist. A perfectly gentle, sweet being, a friend even. And wouldn't you know it-- his office was super nice, really modern and he was wonderful. Built that tooth up and now it's just like before. It's even white (my other fear, that I would have a big black hillbilly tooth)! Next week I am going in for a cleaning so that I can avoid mishaps like this in the future.

The other kicker is that the tooth didn't even have a cavity. It just cracked and that's what was causing me the pain. Hmmm. Maybe he could have just stucco-ed it up had I gone earlier.

Lesson learned. Be pro-active.

That's what I am going to do with every part of my life now. If it feels scarey, just do it anyway. BTW since I wrote about being scared yesterday, I still have not lost that feeling, but I keep pushing through the anxiety. I guess this is part of personal innovation, change means going outside your macaroni and cheese comfort zone.

My New Plan

I decided to budget my time according to the following categories and have as a goal to complete three things in each category per day. I hope that by making a plan to do these things I can eliminate the number of fires in my life to react to.

1. My work (translations, teaching, independent work, billing, reports, etc).
2. Work for my Association
3. Stuff that makes me feel happy and organized (Planning, reading, writing, nail polish, baby play, organizing, blogging)
4. Relationships (cultivating friendships, work collaborations, etc.)

The more time I spend on 3, the better my day goes. This is called being pro-active.

Feeling the Fear

One of the things I'm reading about as far as jumping out of my low-earning habit is to go where you don't feel comfortable. I had just decided to do that when my friend Marina asked  if I could help her out with one of her jobs because she has so many things going on this week. That's part of the deal, too: recognizing when to say no so that you can free yourself up for bigger things or new opportunities. You can tell Marina is ahead of me and has already finished the book.

Anyway, while she was stressing out about how to finish everything, when she finally asked me and realized how happy I was, I think it put the situation into a new perspective. Sometimes saying no can be a positive thing. I normally would have said no to this kind of job, even though I desperately want to try it just because part of me thinks that I'm a big fake and that I will get found out if I tried it.

But then I think-- wait a minute, if Marina can do it, why can't I? Time to feel the fear and try something new. She was having other thoughts, though, like, what about that money I'm missing out on, and what if they like Karoline better and never call me again. See? We're all full of self doubt sometimes.

I assured her that we are partners and friends and colleagues and that there is enough work around for everyone. There is no reason for us to compete.

Only collaborate. Thank you Marina!

IF I KNOW A HIGH EARNER CAN I BECOME ONE??

LESSONS FROM A HIGH EARNER: INTERVIEW ONE

One of my private students has a very high position at one of the companies I teach at. We have a good relationship and I decided to pick his brain about what it takes to become rich. Here is the advice he gave me.

First, “You are not the money-making type”.

Thanks. This is not a great start. Then, “if you want to become rich, choose a profession where you can work under the table, or get a real job. We are in Italy, the taxes are too high to be an independent professional. But if you want to work independently, at least write off everything you can.”

Q:Trust fund or real estate for your kids?

A:In Italy young people are helped by their parents, there are no trust funds, and if you want one you need to get it in Switzerland. We don’t use them here in Italy.

Q:Do you invest?

A:No. I don’t spend money. I don’t go on expensive vacations, I live simply. I bought my apartment. When I had more money, I bought the apartment below mine. When I had more money I bought my son a 250 m2 apartment downtown. He is a very lucky 28 year old.

Q:Did you take out a loan?

A:No. I only pay for things in cash. I don’t like to have debts.

Q:How do you pass the value of money on to your children?

A:It is normal for our children to live a privileged life when they are young. They do not appreciate the sacrifices made by their parents to give them a better future. My hope is that when my sons are older, they will understand the value of money. My older son is already starting to understand. He is working and knows first-hand what it is like to work a lot for very little. My sons have seen my wife and my way of life. We are not extravagant people. 

They could never understand where I come from. I was one of five brothers in a very poor family. My mother did not work and I still marvel at how she managed to feed all of us.

Q:Where are you the most extravagant?

A: I grew up in a situation where it was not possible to take a hot shower every day. Hot water was rationed and my mother was very careful about how long we were allowed to be in there in order to make sure there was water for everyone. Now I take LONG HOT showers, I waste water, it is my one extravagance. Long and hot showers.

Q:Regrets?

A: I have many regrets in my life. Most of all, I feel that I have lived too little. But I have taken care of my family, and as a man from the south, that is important to me.

Q: Does money buy happiness?

A: No, but it buys you the things that buy you happiness. That’s not a very nice thing to say, I realize that.

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL!

Going back to the self-esteem test, I checked this as true.

"I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY TIME"

Since I am an independent worker and don’t have an office (well, it’s in the living room since my “office” is now a baby bedroom), it is very easy to mistake just about EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD as being more important than my work. Plus, I have a baby and have never put her in daycare or with a sitter when I was not working billable hours (which usually means I am teaching outside the house, as even translations can be done when the baby is sleeping, which, by the way, is never during the day).

Even if I want to get something done, how can I NOT put everything aside and PLAY WITH HER if she is looking up at me with her big brown eyes and smiling with those two new teeth?? 

I do not give myself the time that I need to get my work done at home, which makes me feel lousy and frustrated. Not to mention how difficult it is to make money if you’re not doing your work. Huh duh!  But it is a convenient excuse. If I don’t have time, I can’t get my work done, if I can’t get my work done, I can’t make money. And that’s bad.

As I write this I realize that it’s not the WORST thing that could happen, though. It would be MUCH WORSE to DO THE WORK and NOT GET PAID, than NOT do the WORK and NOT GET PAID.

This is like the B student who doesn’t have to work to get Bs. With just a little effort, she could be an A student, but she is full of fear. What if she does the work and fails anyway? Then people will know she is a loser and make fun of her. In that case, she does not fail, she IS a failure and then everyone will know the truth.   

Hey, that B student was me pretty much all through school. I am my own worst hater.

If you want to feel a little better about your business

Try some marketing reasearch. When I told my student volunteer the other day that I wanted her to do a little marketing research for me, she went silent. I asked her "Do you know what that means?" Her answer: Calling people? No no, I said, it means finding out who your competitors are, seeing what they do, where you are positioned in your market, you know, that kind of thing. Relief. So I put her on the task of finding us on the web (we're pretty much not there in the traditional sense), then getting the info on the others.

To my surprise:

1. There were lots of LIST sites where people can get info on where to do things like take English classes, etc. We are not there (do people use them?).

2. We had more competitors than I thought. But on closer look I realized that some people were LISTED as doing what we do, but really do other things and wanted more visibility.

3. Many language schools offer a gazillion things (every language possible, computer classes, etc) so that they can try to appeal to everyone.

4. Many of these schools are franchises/chains. Like McDonalds for learning languages.

5. Offering tests and certifications are supposed to show that you are serious.

6. Everybody and their mother is a "CULTURAL ASSOCIATION" even when they are clearly a for profit business.

I have to admit this first part of the project got me a little down. After all, how are the little guys like us supposed to compete with multi-nationals, and the sheer number of competitors (I personally can think of only one that feels like an actual competitor) was a little depressing. So I decided to take action and have my volunteer call these other schools (after I told her she wouldn't have to do any calling. I had to explain that this was different. No selling involved-- let them sell to you!)

I wanted a simple piece of information: How much does a private lesson in English cost? To be sure, this was a difficult job for my volunteer, who felt like she was lying to the schools by asking for this information, she was sure they knew she was an imposter, etc. To which I said, you're a student, you're getting information. Basta.

This part made me feel better and here is what I learned.

1. There are schools that charge more than us, but not much more (my fear was being on the low end, which is not a good place).

2. The same schools that offer a gazillion things also charge less and (incidentally, from personal past experience with at least one of them) pay their teachers about half what we do (always pay your teachers as much as you can).

3. One school was going out of business next week (one of those franchises).

4. About half of the schools would not give this sensitive information on the phone. They were also snitty and made my volunteer feel bad. So let's talk about this for a moment.

Bad marketing strategy-- the old "get them into the office so they can't say no" routine. I wouldn't touch one of those places with a 10 meter stick. The idea makes me feel itchy, like they're going to convert me to something strange when I get there. No thank you.

5. Our hours, which are 4-8pm Monday through Friday (well, in summer we close on Fridays) are actually AWESOME. A lot of these places had no one answering the phone after 6, when many people finish work.

So I'm feeling a little better. Yes, there is more work to do (lots), but I know more about who we are and where we are (more importantly) and I am more convinced than ever that transparency is the way to go. People ask you a question about your business, answer them truthfully. You can still respond to your clients' needs, but having different pricing options for different folks just smells funny from the outside.

Thanks, Jasmina, for stepping out of your comfort zone for us yesterday. BTW, I try not make my volunteers do tooooo much, but in this case, I couldn't have done the calling myself. My American accent would have given me away and then my research results would have been botched.

I am reading a great book

It's called Overcoming Underearning by Barbara Stanny. She wrote one of my favorite personal finance books for women called Prince Charming isn't Coming: How women get smart about money. Well this book came from a workshop aimed at helping women earn more money and is filled with some good advice about getting over your psychological blocks to bringing in more money. I love this stuff, I confess.

I am an underearner. I give away a lot more of my time than I get paid for, I pay myself way less than I pay others for doing the same job, I often put off doing my bills, signing contracts, and doing other things that would bring me money faster (as I write this I am stressing about an email I need to write making an appointment to sign a contract with a new client for some academic translations-- what the HELL is my problem??). I blame my underearning on external factors (If I had a more expensive phone, I could be more available, I could pounce on jobs faster because I could see my email anywhere!!...),  yet... 


I think I would be a great rich person... given the chance!


So I decided to take one of the first tests in the book about what my earning ceiling is. It has you visualize and write about how you would feel if you made 5,000 bucks a year, 10,000, then 25,000, then 75,000 then 250,000 and finally a million.

Now I have made nowhere near 75 or 100 g's, but I sure didn't have a problem visualizing them. They almost seemed like too little (I'm worth so much more!!)- Then I got to 250,000 and realized I was completely insecure... The panic took over and I realized that at that much money, people would figure me out, that they would somehow find out that I am a fraud and have no business making that kind of money.

Isn't that interesting? That being said, 75,000 would put me in a new tax bracket and swipe away my poor person VAT number safety net of only having to pay taxes once a year in Italy, and that also scares the bejeezus out of me.

But I track all of my earnings, and immediately count them as 40% less than what I get (yeah, I honestly pay 39% tax-- I think the highest you can pay in America is 35%, but who really does??!), so having to pay quarterly or having to pay ahead of expected income shouldn't freak me out, but it does.

Which is all the more reason to learn more about money. Taxes are never going to be MORE than you earn, right? So earning should be a POSITIVE thing, not NEGATIVE. Right? Right?

You are not a complete idiot

With financial matters, it often seems like some people just know how money works, and others are not meant to know. I always felt I belonged to that second group. I still feel that way sometimes, but learned that the secret to not feeling like an idiot is to just get as much info as possible. I started reading books on personal finance, reading blogs, and reading financial pages (still don't understand much, but hope it's like foreign language, and I have some experience with those, that one day it will all click).


I also realized at some point that the people in my life who are supposed to be the experts (in an amateur sense), don't really have all that much experience investing, running businesses, etc.

I am feeling much more confident than I used to. With the Association, my approach to accounting is to treat it as little like a business as possible when it comes to spending. If I wouldn't do it with my own money, I won't do it with the Association's money. That works for me. Again, it's all about being honest.

That, and I have two very kick-ass volunteers who keep track of the day-to-day numbers stuff. Phyoo.

Step One: get rid of the baddies

One of the reasons I became the director of my non-profit is my ignorance. I didn't know how to read a balance sheet and so I did not fully realize how much trouble the company (it's a non-profit, but that's a company too) was really in. I knew I could use my classroom management skills to manage a team, but when it came to the numbers, I was completely useless. The other reason I becamse director was because I genuinely believed in the Association and wanted it to do well. I also couldn't think of anyone at the time who believed in it as much as I did.

My strength, though, was that my experience as a classroom teacher in the States and in Italy taught me that status and responsibility aren't always related. The fact that I wasn't concerned with it (if you're a teacher, you're not expecting much in terms of prestige or pay, let's face it) but WAS concerned with performance, probably made me a good choice for not making the same mistakes my predecessors had done. In Italy, titles are important. The moment you become a MANAGER, or a DIRECTOR or a PRESIDENT, you change status and people want to know you.

But... to be important in Italy you have to communicate complete COMPETENCE. That's why my Association, over 30 years, went deeper and deeper into debt and no one seemed to know a thing about it (except the people who were constantly waiting for payment, of course). The people in charge never let anyone know that they were in trouble. Asking for help, or showing any kind of transparency, for that matter, communicates WEAKNESS. And that is a no-no.

Then I came along and everything changed.

For starters, I asked for help and told people about the real situation, foolishly thinking that this would ignite some kind of collective effort to save the Association. I learned a lot from doing this. For one thing, the exact OPPOSITE happened. People who were in a position to help us DISAPPEARED. At first I didn't understand this, but later I realized that these people were the problem (a disgruntled board member AND, not surprisingly, the accountant, also a board member, and whose lousy advice exacerbated the problem. When things got really bad, he actually threatened to SUE US!!) and they did not want their names to be connected to these kinds of problems. Good riddance.

This is an important part of the initial Clean up. Getting rid of the BADDIES.

This was step one to purification.

Step two was choosing a team to share the burden.

Learning to lead, make money and be good

The first thing you should know about me is that I am a sucker. That is to say I am gullible, I trust nearly everyone, I am impulsive, a risk-taker, optimistic to a fault, and I do not read the fine print. That is what I was going to call this blog-- read the fine print, people. Do as I say, not as I do. But that was taken. 

Having said that, now look at the title of this entry. These are the things I have been thinking about lately. Can you do all three? Can you do the first two without being a jerk? Can you do all three at the same time? I am learning to lead, make money, and be good. The third item seems to be coming along okay-- I have had good models  in my life and happen to dislike bad people. Now I would like to reconcile my desire to be good with the freedom and autonomy that comes with creating wealth. 

On the money front I have to think in terms of the non-profit I run, which is an economic disaster-- hence the title. I took it over without truly understanding how bad the situation was, more on that later. Which is another reason I am a sucker, but I choose to see it this way: one person's sinking ship is another's opportunity. I jumped on that sinking ship and I am committed to turning it into lemonade. 

On the other hand, I also need to eat, I never want to be an employee again, and I never ever want to worry about money. 

So here is a beginner's guide to learning a few things about saving a company, being a good leader, a decent person and knowing a little something about money.