Three Cheers for Streaming!

What would I do without the 24-hour program stream? (Silent reflection)
Now all we need is Cool Ranch Doritos in Trieste and I would NEVER have to go home again. Except for the whole friends and family thing...

Prepping for the Big Trip

We are leaving on Friday to take the little meatball to America for the first time. She is almost 9 months. Of course when I bought the tickets she was closer to 8 months and had all those adorable characteristics of an 8-month old: giggly, smiley, stayed put when you set her down (I realize some meatballs are mobile before that)... NOW, however, we are crawling around and SCREAMING at the top of our lungs FOR FUN (no pain or fear needed).

So, um, I just want to APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE to anyone who may be sitting ANYWHERE NEAR US (you may want to choose the Exit row after all). This picture may be you when we're through!

This NEVER Happens

I think Leo, our President, has been walking little old ladies across the street or something because today when we went to the post office to pick up a piece of REGISTERED MAIL (which for us usually means big past due bills or lawsuits), for ONCE IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORY, it was... get ready for this...

A CHECK. And it was for the ASSICIATION. It was from the electric company for 400 euros!!

Is this karma? Let's hope so.

How we wiped out 75 percent of a 30 year debt in one year

The other 25 percent will be paid (if things keep going the way they have been. Touch wood) by December of this year.

When Leo and I took over the Association last year (he is president, I am director), we found a mega debt that apparently went back as far as 30 years (the creditors changed, but the debt, not so much) that was accompanied by some bad habits, like always paying the rent late, updating accounting every 3 months or so, spending more than was coming in, etc. Considering that the Association takes in about 80,000 euros per year, a hole of 40,000 was pretty daunting. After we had about 3 heart attacks each, we decided to take action. We needed to be absolutely drastic in  order to stay alive. Here is what we did.

First step: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. We committed ourselves to doing what was possible not only to save the Association but to give it a future. Well, not really, we just went into panic mode and put out fires with our legal friend, Federica, for the first three months. Then we asked our friend, Davide, to help with the accounting. From there we could finally concentrate on filling up classes and planning fundraisers with our colleague, Denise. Here's what else we did to save money and boost revenue. We plan on being completely debt free by the end of the year and as of yesterday it actually looks more possible than ever, thanks to a lot of team work and honesty.

1. Started treating the business accounts like a personal bank account. Started tracking EVERY penny that came in and went out.
2. Changed phone plan, down-graded ADSL, got a company cell phone for cell calls (which cost a lot from a land line). Saved over 100 euros per month.
3. Stopped updating website (600 euros per year) and started a blog (free)
4. Made the director (me) a volunteer (300/month)
5. Asked Davide to do the day to day accounting and make payment plans (Key decision).
6. Went to all creditors, asked forgiveness and made payment plans, stuck to them.
7. Gave our teachers a raise (best decision we made. Good teachers are like good hairdressers. They have a following). Made sure all teachers are paid the same (we only want the best, btw, so this is not a problem)
8. Bought office supplies on-line.
9. Stopped paying for expensive dinners for VIPs, having coffees out
10. Asked illycaffè to donate a coffee maker, they did. Now we have VIPs for coffee.
11. Changed our payment terms for classes (pay before, not after)
12. Asked big companies for help (some did!)
13. Held fund-raisers (Thanksgiving, 4th of July)
14. Received a grant from US Gov for materials, opened a children's library which revitalized our image.
15. Asked US Gov to donate our magazine subscriptions (500 euros/year)
16. Created a team of volunteers: Accounting, Legal, Fundraising, Graphics and marketing, Library, Public School Liasion, Programs and Events, IT. (savings LOTS).
17. Created a positive, family-oriented, volunteer-friendly community
18. Teachers donated teaching hours (no one forced them. It was voluntary and says something about the awesome atmosphere I work in).
19. Found an accountant who would provide tax help for free (Hopefully we will be able to pay him one day) saving us 2000 euros/year
20. Split the cleaning lady bill with our sub-renters.
21. Paid serious attention to energy consumption.

I'll tell you who DOESN'T have a problem with under-earning!

Christian Louboutin. I just read an article about him in Vanity Fair. I mean, come on! $6,000 for a pair of shoes?! And I feel guilty for getting paid my piddly hourly rate?! Clearly I need to change my marketing plan.

I mean you have to have some serious self-confidence to get that kind of dough. I will take THIS with me, though. He NEVER gives away his shoes for free. Even stars have to pay for them. He plays with the desire thing. If you are not required to pay, you don't want it as much.

I agree. I remember one time I took a big pay cut in order to help one of my students continue taking lessons with me even though times were tough for her and her family. Result: she stopped coming regularly, she was often late, everything else in the world became more important for her than our lessons. Apparently doing what I saw as the Right thing actually communicated that I was worth less than before. Not cool.

So Louboutin has something there. Believe in your own value first, then others will too. Unless you really suck. In that case, you should change your line of work.

Is the Sinking Ship Coming up for Air??

On Friday I have a very important appointment to see about getting some funding for the Association. This same foundation gave us a grant last year that saved us from having to close with a lot of debt that we found out our new President would be personally responsible for (Thinking about opening a non-profit in Italy? Make sure its status is RICONOSCIUTA and not NON-RICONOSCIUTA to avoid this problem). This helped explain a few things like 1. Why the old president was in such a hurry to get out and 2. Why past presidents kept smiling, pretending nothing was wrong and passing the debt on to the next president. Like I've said in earlier posts, they say our debt goes back about 30 years with creditors changing and getting paid depending on how loud they complained. Payment priority went to the creditor who sent the lawsuit threat letters. What changed the situation was the piece of advice our old accountant gave our last president about the rental situation which had been paid after it was due instead of before it was due since the Association moved to this building. The rent was always very past due. Finally, when the landlord threatened to sue and then did, no action was taken. The old accountant's words, I believe, were "We're in Italy, they can't throw you out!"*

Um. Yes, they can. But we solved that problem.

Anyway, today it turns out that I can finally report some GOOD NEWS. According to my friend Davide, who took over the day to day accounting at the Association last August (Rule number one, ask for help!), we should be debt free by December. Can you BELIEVE THAT? After 30 years of ignoring the debt, our team will have ELIMINATED IT IN A YEAR AND A HALF. Incredible. So that's it. We just have to live until December. Zero will never feel so good!

At least there is an end in sight. In later posts, I will tell you how we are achieving this amazing feat. But for now I am on cloud nine and I must feel the thrill for a moment.


*He is no longer our accountant by the way, he was one of the Baddies we eliminated, actually he eliminated himself-- THANK GOD. He was just recently in the paper for giving more stellar advice to another company in Trieste. I believe the words were "Sure, go buy that expensive machinery! OF COURSE the Region will pay for it!!" so they did, and then the Region told them "Hey, we can't pay for machinery that you already have!" Boom. Bankruptcy!).

I'm not the Only One

Since I started trying to turn my sinking ship into lemonade, or, when I took over a non-profit that was 40,000 euros in the hole last year, I have been putting out fires (first of which was an eviction notice. With help from some very nice people, we got that taken care of by doing a lot of begging, establishing a payment plan, and taking responsibility. We were able to get a new contract for 6 years to come up with another plan and I am happy to say that if we live until December, our Association will be officially out of debt for the first time in 30 years). Other fires included lawsuit threats, a couple of stalkers, you know, the usual. If you can imagine it, I have probably dealt with it over the last year.

I have also been reading about management, personal finance, being successful, anything to get some ideas on how to save our library/cultural Association/language school. A lot of the books are older, since they're library books that have entered our library any time over the last 50 years.

Here's what I'm reading today:
Beware the Naked Man Who Offers You His Shirt by Harvey Mackay

The title of chapter 4: "YOU'RE A LOT BETTER OFF BEING SCARED THAN BEING BORED"

Isn't that chancey?

Thinking into a New Income Bracket

Remember that scared feeling I had a couple of days ago because I had the opportunity to do a new kind of work? Well, it was an interpreting job and I was so excited I was frightened to death about it. See, this came like a DAY after I decided that I needed to re-evaluate my fees and try branching out in new directions. Poof, like magic this job came up!

Interpreting-- Wow! Getting paid for something I do nearly every day for free. You wouldn't believe how often I have to turn from one person to the other and explain what the other person just said, but it's always informal, and so automatic that it never seems like work enough to be paid for. So when Marina brought up this possibility it seemed so Hard. Because when you attach money to something you do anyway, you start to think about what the expectations are for the people paying (must be perfect, no mistakes, must know every word ever uttered in both languages).

So my real fear was not the work itself, but the guilt associated with putting a price on something that I do as normally as breathing air and feeling that if I ask for money for it, I probably won't be up to the clients' expectations. If you don't charge and they don't like it, well tough patooties!

But I decided I needed to change all that, I needed to be worth it, and come up with a price that communicated I was indeed a professional (the fact that I switch between Italian and English all the time should actually communicate fluency and experience, but I don't give myself credit for that.). I did this by consulting my business owner girlfriends-- Marina and Klementina. The funny thing is, when it comes to putting a fair price on things, none of us felt 100% confident.. Isn't that nuts? But we were able to kind of psych ourselves up and convince each other... Is it because we're perfectionists? We have a self-esteem problem?

Well, by the end of the second day I was feeling so good about that job and had rehearsed my non-chalant answer to the question "are you available for the job" with a very high  fair hourly rate.

But that call never came. The client cancelled. They said to send a bill anyway, but well, while I can get my head around upping my price to something respectable, getting paid for nothing, I'm not quite there.

I am not disappointed, though. I have totally changed my perspective and am thinking higher than I used to. I also realized that when it comes to these matters, it's important to talk about it and create a community. I can't wait until our girl financial group has its first meeting in September.

A Company's Job is to Innovate

That's what I've got in my head today. Sometimes you need to sit down and reflect on what is working, let go of what is not, tweak things and move on.

I am trying to tweak my habits a bit. In particular I am trying to force myself to get things done as they come to me, rather than think and worry about them until I have to react to them.

Case in point. I broke a tooth on Saturday. A TOOTH!!

Now that little rascal was bugging me for months, but I was too afraid to go to the dentist. I have never really gone to one in Italy, so I was worried about what kind of materials he would use (wooden mallet? Piece of string on a doorknob?), how much it would cost me, etc. Actually, who am I kidding. I was just worried he would say "Take 'em out!" and suggest I get implanted dentures, which is what a whole heap of people have around here. My solution to the problem: wait.

I waited and waited until the thing just fell apart, busted in half (it broke on a soft piece of pasta, by the way! I didn't even get the satisfaction of having it break on a beer nut or something hard at least!). Granted, it wasn't the front tooth (maybe I would have been faster about getting a dentist in that case), but having a tooth break just isn't my idea of a good time.

So I went to my friend, Dr. Gianni, the dentist. A perfectly gentle, sweet being, a friend even. And wouldn't you know it-- his office was super nice, really modern and he was wonderful. Built that tooth up and now it's just like before. It's even white (my other fear, that I would have a big black hillbilly tooth)! Next week I am going in for a cleaning so that I can avoid mishaps like this in the future.

The other kicker is that the tooth didn't even have a cavity. It just cracked and that's what was causing me the pain. Hmmm. Maybe he could have just stucco-ed it up had I gone earlier.

Lesson learned. Be pro-active.

That's what I am going to do with every part of my life now. If it feels scarey, just do it anyway. BTW since I wrote about being scared yesterday, I still have not lost that feeling, but I keep pushing through the anxiety. I guess this is part of personal innovation, change means going outside your macaroni and cheese comfort zone.

My New Plan

I decided to budget my time according to the following categories and have as a goal to complete three things in each category per day. I hope that by making a plan to do these things I can eliminate the number of fires in my life to react to.

1. My work (translations, teaching, independent work, billing, reports, etc).
2. Work for my Association
3. Stuff that makes me feel happy and organized (Planning, reading, writing, nail polish, baby play, organizing, blogging)
4. Relationships (cultivating friendships, work collaborations, etc.)

The more time I spend on 3, the better my day goes. This is called being pro-active.

Feeling the Fear

One of the things I'm reading about as far as jumping out of my low-earning habit is to go where you don't feel comfortable. I had just decided to do that when my friend Marina asked  if I could help her out with one of her jobs because she has so many things going on this week. That's part of the deal, too: recognizing when to say no so that you can free yourself up for bigger things or new opportunities. You can tell Marina is ahead of me and has already finished the book.

Anyway, while she was stressing out about how to finish everything, when she finally asked me and realized how happy I was, I think it put the situation into a new perspective. Sometimes saying no can be a positive thing. I normally would have said no to this kind of job, even though I desperately want to try it just because part of me thinks that I'm a big fake and that I will get found out if I tried it.

But then I think-- wait a minute, if Marina can do it, why can't I? Time to feel the fear and try something new. She was having other thoughts, though, like, what about that money I'm missing out on, and what if they like Karoline better and never call me again. See? We're all full of self doubt sometimes.

I assured her that we are partners and friends and colleagues and that there is enough work around for everyone. There is no reason for us to compete.

Only collaborate. Thank you Marina!

The Beep Baseball Game Yesterdy was Amazing!

So, I told you I was going to see a blind baseball game yesterday. It was Milan vs Bologna. Milan won. It was incredible. The players bat for themselves, so there's no pitching. They hold the ball in their left hand down low and bat it the way you would do an underhand serve in tennis. The baseball itself is hollow and has a bell in it so you have to be silent when the batter bats. There are seeing people at each base who clap so the runner knows where to go and they clap faster when they're close. The fielders listen for the ball and dive down one way or the other so that they can use their entire body to block the ball, rather than just their glove. The basemen catch fly balls just like any seeing person would do. The players were all ages and both male and female. There are 7 innings instead of 9 and foul balls are considered strikes. So three foul balls is a strike out. There are some other adapted rules also, and there was an announcer explaining them during the game. Very cool.

There was a group picture at the end and everyone had dinner together and there was a party with music. We stayed around and danced til midnight. What a blast.

Who knew. It was really incredible. Wow. My eyes well up as I write this. There's a whole world out there I know nothing about.

Reading the Financial Papers Can be Enlightening!

So I was just scanning the Sole 24 Ore when I found this article. It talks about reducing taxes up to 96% and my type of tax number is included. We'll see if it will apply to me. Hope hope hope!!!

Finding that article made me feel pretty smart. We'll see how long that keeps up as I try to read and understand it.

Want some Inspiration?

Today at 5:30 I am going to a baseball game (Trieste has two baseball diamonds, believe it or not, built after WWII when the Americans were here before Trieste was turned over to Italy...). Both teams are blind.

I asked my friend Pierfrancesco if he and his family wanted to come (he has a lovely wife and three adopted children from India, but that's another incredible story). This was his answer:

"Sure. We never get tired of seeing miracles."

Which makes me think. If blind people can play baseball in Italy, surely I can learn a thing or two about personal finance over the next year or so.

Here is my goal. I want to do my own taxes next year and have my accountant check them. I think it is time to make some miracles happen.

That whole upward mobility thing is overrated

Thought I had this morning on the way to the shower...

When did it become a NORMAL EXPECTATION to have a bigger house than our parents? My grandparents, for example, had a much SMALLER house than THEIR parents. They built it from scratch and paid for it as they went along.

Maybe I'm clinging to the idea because MY house (condo) is MUCH SMALLER than my parents' small house? I don't know. We bought what we could afford at the time- and good thing, too, because life threw us a few work lemons in the meantime but we never had a problem paying our mortgage.

I'm just sayin.

To Answer My Own Question

From Overcoming Underearning. Page 127

"'You become who you're with.' Not only are we attracted to people like us, we also reshape ourselves, unconsciously mimicking others to feel like we fit in."

So. Yes, if I hang around the Richies, there's a good chance I will become one.

GOOD ANSWER!!!

I Forgot to Tell You

A Piece of Advice for Saving Money from the hugely successful, high-earning student that I told you about:

"To pay your tax bill for next year, I suggest you do like they used to do in the old days: two nights a week-- no dinner. Only caffè latte."

Made in the stove top moka coffee maker, of course.

IF I KNOW A HIGH EARNER CAN I BECOME ONE??

LESSONS FROM A HIGH EARNER: INTERVIEW ONE

One of my private students has a very high position at one of the companies I teach at. We have a good relationship and I decided to pick his brain about what it takes to become rich. Here is the advice he gave me.

First, “You are not the money-making type”.

Thanks. This is not a great start. Then, “if you want to become rich, choose a profession where you can work under the table, or get a real job. We are in Italy, the taxes are too high to be an independent professional. But if you want to work independently, at least write off everything you can.”

Q:Trust fund or real estate for your kids?

A:In Italy young people are helped by their parents, there are no trust funds, and if you want one you need to get it in Switzerland. We don’t use them here in Italy.

Q:Do you invest?

A:No. I don’t spend money. I don’t go on expensive vacations, I live simply. I bought my apartment. When I had more money, I bought the apartment below mine. When I had more money I bought my son a 250 m2 apartment downtown. He is a very lucky 28 year old.

Q:Did you take out a loan?

A:No. I only pay for things in cash. I don’t like to have debts.

Q:How do you pass the value of money on to your children?

A:It is normal for our children to live a privileged life when they are young. They do not appreciate the sacrifices made by their parents to give them a better future. My hope is that when my sons are older, they will understand the value of money. My older son is already starting to understand. He is working and knows first-hand what it is like to work a lot for very little. My sons have seen my wife and my way of life. We are not extravagant people. 

They could never understand where I come from. I was one of five brothers in a very poor family. My mother did not work and I still marvel at how she managed to feed all of us.

Q:Where are you the most extravagant?

A: I grew up in a situation where it was not possible to take a hot shower every day. Hot water was rationed and my mother was very careful about how long we were allowed to be in there in order to make sure there was water for everyone. Now I take LONG HOT showers, I waste water, it is my one extravagance. Long and hot showers.

Q:Regrets?

A: I have many regrets in my life. Most of all, I feel that I have lived too little. But I have taken care of my family, and as a man from the south, that is important to me.

Q: Does money buy happiness?

A: No, but it buys you the things that buy you happiness. That’s not a very nice thing to say, I realize that.

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL!

Going back to the self-esteem test, I checked this as true.

"I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY TIME"

Since I am an independent worker and don’t have an office (well, it’s in the living room since my “office” is now a baby bedroom), it is very easy to mistake just about EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD as being more important than my work. Plus, I have a baby and have never put her in daycare or with a sitter when I was not working billable hours (which usually means I am teaching outside the house, as even translations can be done when the baby is sleeping, which, by the way, is never during the day).

Even if I want to get something done, how can I NOT put everything aside and PLAY WITH HER if she is looking up at me with her big brown eyes and smiling with those two new teeth?? 

I do not give myself the time that I need to get my work done at home, which makes me feel lousy and frustrated. Not to mention how difficult it is to make money if you’re not doing your work. Huh duh!  But it is a convenient excuse. If I don’t have time, I can’t get my work done, if I can’t get my work done, I can’t make money. And that’s bad.

As I write this I realize that it’s not the WORST thing that could happen, though. It would be MUCH WORSE to DO THE WORK and NOT GET PAID, than NOT do the WORK and NOT GET PAID.

This is like the B student who doesn’t have to work to get Bs. With just a little effort, she could be an A student, but she is full of fear. What if she does the work and fails anyway? Then people will know she is a loser and make fun of her. In that case, she does not fail, she IS a failure and then everyone will know the truth.   

Hey, that B student was me pretty much all through school. I am my own worst hater.

WANT FRIES WITH THAT SELF ESTEEM?

After my tax bomb the other day I decided it was time to shake it off and move on. As these things sometimes happen, Marina had coincidentally left me the original copy of Overcoming Undearning in the classroom of the company we both teach at and I read between classes. Anybody who isn’t rich should know, by the way, that the money thing is an emotional subject and that in order to get more, you have to come face to face with some dark, ugly stuff—repressed feelings, childhood, your relationship with money, and your self-worth. First step to changing my financial situation: the self-esteem test.

Check if the following items are true.

I blame someone else for my situation.

(Husband, kid, Italy, dog, hmm. yeah. CHECK, and I feel terribly guilty for admitting it!)

I constantly blame myself even if it’s not my fault.

I’m sorry! I’m sorry! My fault! Excuse me. CHECK.

I do what others want even if I don’t want to.

Um, ok, we can do that but, um, I thought that it would, um be nice, if, um, oh forget it, let’s just do what you want to. CHECK.

I hold myself back, or easily give in to avoid upsetting, hurting, angering, or offending someone.

Alright, you win, you’re right. Okay okay. Sorry. CHECK.

I let others demean or put me down.

I know I should be less superficial about money matters, I’m not the money type, I’m messy and disorganized, yeah, ok. CHECK.

I hold grudges or I’m easily angered.

Try not to. It’s me, not you. CHECK.

I’m reluctant to set lofty goals for fear I won’t attain them.

If your expectations are low you can’t get disappointed, right? CHECK.

I’m filled with big dreams but don’t follow through.

Hmmm. CHECK.

I’m unwilling to ask for what I want, often because I don’t even know.

This one. I don’t know. Hmm. Wait. CHECK.

I give up at the first sign of failure or hint of rejection

How about we start with this one for a change. CHECK, but not for long (SUCKITUP, STECK!).

I have no control over my time

This one, too. CHECK and change.

Looks like you need a shot of self-esteem, Sister!

Ouch. Double ouch. Triple ouch.  And, oddly, COMPLETELY surprising.

Doing the Right thing is Expensive

There is this great scene in the Secret Diaries of a London Callgirl where the main character is shagging her accountant and after, he says "remember to put away 40% of that..."

I got a second opinion. The calculations were correct. But what annoys me is that my accountant didn't explain to me how things work (I asked, too). Well. For the healthcare system and retirement (not that I will ever be able to at this rate) you have to pay 40% ahead in July, another 40% in November, and the other 20% in July (along with another 40% for the year after). Great. Can't wait til november! (Sigh of desperation!!)

The good news is that at least the taxes are paid because my invoice includes a 20% tax that clients pay (ritenuta d'acconto). I should get a slight refund (ha) for what I overpaid that way, which will go towards (hopefully) reducing what I have to pay in November.

Realization number 1: Here it comes.

Doing the right thing when it comes to taxes in Italy is not advantageous for the pockabook (as they say back in Wisconsin), but it must be done...

Dear Italy,

What is UP with putting the deadline for filing taxes a week before my vacation??? I could forgive you if you didn't bill me for last year and 98% of this year (INPS). THAT IS ONE BIG TAX BILL (and I didn't even make that much!).


In fact, where else can you make less than 20,000 euros and be taxed at nearly 50%?!

OUCH!

That's it. I am going to go out and LEASE the most expensive car I can find, upgrade my cell phone and plan, and designate a room in my house as an office and write off all expenses (sorry, Baby, your crib is going in the living room).

Hmmph!

Love,
Karoline

50 Percent tax!

Now I feel totally justified in not wanting to call the accountant!!!

Why do I freeze up about finances?

I know what I need to do: schedule an appointment with my accountant to get 2010 settled. I just can't seem to get my lazy arse to do it. I think (but I'm not sure) I have to do it by the end of this month.

My finances are pretty simple. I just need to print my invoices, write the dates they were paid, and photocopy phone bills and any health receipts  (I get to deduct those for a 20% refund), put them all together in a folder and hand them over to my accountant. I deduct gas, too, so I will give him those receipts as well. I am not yet a big earner, so I only have to declare and pay taxes for my little business once a year.

Easy peasy.

But what's keeping me from making that call? It's the idea that I will then have to pay taxes, and him. Now, I remember last year, I didn't have to pay that much at all (I pay 39% tax total, but 20% is paid by the people I bill, and they pay it directly, so I never even see that money. The other 19% I have to pay after any deductions, which my accountant figures out based on the documents I give him. I haven't bought any equipment this year, I don't do much expensing because I don't travel very often and when I do, usually the client pays that stuff, so basically what I earned is what I will pay on. Period.) I have an excel sheet where I keep track of all of this, by the way, so I could even tell you exactly how much I will be expected to pay (I am paralyzed from looking for some reason). I know I have more than enough money in the bank to cover my tax bill and accountant fees (which is NOT the case when I have to pay the taxes for the Association. There we pay LOTS more taxes and the money is NOT there). I planned for them and as a rule spend much less than what I earn, so everything should be simple, right?

Well, I'm frozen anyway. It's that poor person in my head saying YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY! THE LONGER YOU PUT IT OFF, THE MORE MONEY YOU'LL HAVE IN YOUR ACCOUNT.

This is the same voice that used to scream at me when bills were due in college; I often paid them late (dumb!) because I was so afraid of having an empty bank account. So I would accrue late fees and be even poorer once I paid them. I also lived from paycheck to paycheck then, because spending everything was more in line with the way I felt inside-- Broke.

I have come a long way since then. But that voice is still there sometimes, and it doesn't matter how much I have changed my relationship with money over the years. It awakens a real fear that I will end up with nothing.

I am not the only one who hears these voices. I'm sure those same doubts come to people who want to lose weight, change careers, create meaningful relationships, and do other kinds of difficult things. These inner voices are experts at the slap down.

You may not be into affirmations and things, but I can tell you that if you have these nasty demons inside of you, they can help to squelch them, at least temporarily. Here is my mantra for today:

I AM READY TO CLOSE 2010. I AM RICH.

Plus, it's Saturday and my accountant's office is closed. Phyooo!!!

If you want to feel a little better about your business

Try some marketing reasearch. When I told my student volunteer the other day that I wanted her to do a little marketing research for me, she went silent. I asked her "Do you know what that means?" Her answer: Calling people? No no, I said, it means finding out who your competitors are, seeing what they do, where you are positioned in your market, you know, that kind of thing. Relief. So I put her on the task of finding us on the web (we're pretty much not there in the traditional sense), then getting the info on the others.

To my surprise:

1. There were lots of LIST sites where people can get info on where to do things like take English classes, etc. We are not there (do people use them?).

2. We had more competitors than I thought. But on closer look I realized that some people were LISTED as doing what we do, but really do other things and wanted more visibility.

3. Many language schools offer a gazillion things (every language possible, computer classes, etc) so that they can try to appeal to everyone.

4. Many of these schools are franchises/chains. Like McDonalds for learning languages.

5. Offering tests and certifications are supposed to show that you are serious.

6. Everybody and their mother is a "CULTURAL ASSOCIATION" even when they are clearly a for profit business.

I have to admit this first part of the project got me a little down. After all, how are the little guys like us supposed to compete with multi-nationals, and the sheer number of competitors (I personally can think of only one that feels like an actual competitor) was a little depressing. So I decided to take action and have my volunteer call these other schools (after I told her she wouldn't have to do any calling. I had to explain that this was different. No selling involved-- let them sell to you!)

I wanted a simple piece of information: How much does a private lesson in English cost? To be sure, this was a difficult job for my volunteer, who felt like she was lying to the schools by asking for this information, she was sure they knew she was an imposter, etc. To which I said, you're a student, you're getting information. Basta.

This part made me feel better and here is what I learned.

1. There are schools that charge more than us, but not much more (my fear was being on the low end, which is not a good place).

2. The same schools that offer a gazillion things also charge less and (incidentally, from personal past experience with at least one of them) pay their teachers about half what we do (always pay your teachers as much as you can).

3. One school was going out of business next week (one of those franchises).

4. About half of the schools would not give this sensitive information on the phone. They were also snitty and made my volunteer feel bad. So let's talk about this for a moment.

Bad marketing strategy-- the old "get them into the office so they can't say no" routine. I wouldn't touch one of those places with a 10 meter stick. The idea makes me feel itchy, like they're going to convert me to something strange when I get there. No thank you.

5. Our hours, which are 4-8pm Monday through Friday (well, in summer we close on Fridays) are actually AWESOME. A lot of these places had no one answering the phone after 6, when many people finish work.

So I'm feeling a little better. Yes, there is more work to do (lots), but I know more about who we are and where we are (more importantly) and I am more convinced than ever that transparency is the way to go. People ask you a question about your business, answer them truthfully. You can still respond to your clients' needs, but having different pricing options for different folks just smells funny from the outside.

Thanks, Jasmina, for stepping out of your comfort zone for us yesterday. BTW, I try not make my volunteers do tooooo much, but in this case, I couldn't have done the calling myself. My American accent would have given me away and then my research results would have been botched.

The Expat Triestine Ladies' Money Club has a new guru

So I decided today that it's time to start a women's get rich, let's talk about money group. You know, a little ex-pat Beardstown ladies group... actually I would love to welcome Italian women into the fold, but when I tried some years ago to do something similar, no one was particularly interested. The ex-pats, on the other hand, wait, one IS Italian, Klementina, but she's from the Slovene minority, and also not from Trieste, maybe that's why I didn't count her as Italian. Anyway, She is. Then there's me, Marina, she's from Argentina, and Raquel, she's an Aussie. Well, we are going to throw some ideas around starting, hopefully, next week. Or at least next week we will throw around ideas about making a plan to throw some ideas around about making money.

In the meantime I had a lesson with my student and friend, let's call her Marisa (everybody else does). I was struck today by the fact that 1. she reads two financial newspapers per day-- the Sole 24 ore (ever notice it was pink? or is it orange?) and another one on line, just for currency prices (We buy and sell so much currency so I need to know this stuff.. what???). Then, 2. during our conversation she lets it slip that her son (business partner) is in Verona seeing Aida at the Arena (like the place to see an Opera, people!) as a special guest of Unicredit banca (What?? Banks can invite people to operas??) This is a week after I heard that her latest business venture had her partnering up as a minor partner (but who cares) with Costa Crociera, Generali Group and big shots like that. I mean, how cool is Marisa?? (Answer? Quite.)

All the while I am looking at this Barney Miller office (see photo above). Everything is slightly avocado, the furniture, desks, cabinets, gray medal. Is office frugal cool? It looks almost retro, but it's the real deal. One thing is for sure-- these folks are not buying new stuff merely to get a discount on their taxes. That itself is pretty interesting. 

I would invite Marisa to be in our girl group, but I think she's out of our league. Maybe I could line her up as a guest speaker, though. 

I am reading a great book

It's called Overcoming Underearning by Barbara Stanny. She wrote one of my favorite personal finance books for women called Prince Charming isn't Coming: How women get smart about money. Well this book came from a workshop aimed at helping women earn more money and is filled with some good advice about getting over your psychological blocks to bringing in more money. I love this stuff, I confess.

I am an underearner. I give away a lot more of my time than I get paid for, I pay myself way less than I pay others for doing the same job, I often put off doing my bills, signing contracts, and doing other things that would bring me money faster (as I write this I am stressing about an email I need to write making an appointment to sign a contract with a new client for some academic translations-- what the HELL is my problem??). I blame my underearning on external factors (If I had a more expensive phone, I could be more available, I could pounce on jobs faster because I could see my email anywhere!!...),  yet... 


I think I would be a great rich person... given the chance!


So I decided to take one of the first tests in the book about what my earning ceiling is. It has you visualize and write about how you would feel if you made 5,000 bucks a year, 10,000, then 25,000, then 75,000 then 250,000 and finally a million.

Now I have made nowhere near 75 or 100 g's, but I sure didn't have a problem visualizing them. They almost seemed like too little (I'm worth so much more!!)- Then I got to 250,000 and realized I was completely insecure... The panic took over and I realized that at that much money, people would figure me out, that they would somehow find out that I am a fraud and have no business making that kind of money.

Isn't that interesting? That being said, 75,000 would put me in a new tax bracket and swipe away my poor person VAT number safety net of only having to pay taxes once a year in Italy, and that also scares the bejeezus out of me.

But I track all of my earnings, and immediately count them as 40% less than what I get (yeah, I honestly pay 39% tax-- I think the highest you can pay in America is 35%, but who really does??!), so having to pay quarterly or having to pay ahead of expected income shouldn't freak me out, but it does.

Which is all the more reason to learn more about money. Taxes are never going to be MORE than you earn, right? So earning should be a POSITIVE thing, not NEGATIVE. Right? Right?

Where are the others?

I'm having a hard time finding personal experience blogs written by people running small companies. There are lots of blogs with top ten lists of advice, though. Ugh. Orders orders orders.

Why all the secrecy people??

It all makes me want to spill the beans even more. Only I haven't been successful yet, so all I can do is blog it as I live it, or bitch.

I guess I will do both.

You are not a complete idiot

With financial matters, it often seems like some people just know how money works, and others are not meant to know. I always felt I belonged to that second group. I still feel that way sometimes, but learned that the secret to not feeling like an idiot is to just get as much info as possible. I started reading books on personal finance, reading blogs, and reading financial pages (still don't understand much, but hope it's like foreign language, and I have some experience with those, that one day it will all click).


I also realized at some point that the people in my life who are supposed to be the experts (in an amateur sense), don't really have all that much experience investing, running businesses, etc.

I am feeling much more confident than I used to. With the Association, my approach to accounting is to treat it as little like a business as possible when it comes to spending. If I wouldn't do it with my own money, I won't do it with the Association's money. That works for me. Again, it's all about being honest.

That, and I have two very kick-ass volunteers who keep track of the day-to-day numbers stuff. Phyoo.

Be Frugal, Live Better

Here are some examples. I follow almost all of these. Even number 37.

Stop trying to look cool

At a company in Trieste I used to work for, all of the top managers had really fancy status cars. The other cars in the fleet were the cheapest cars you could find. They didn't even have radios, so that employees would just wear their ipods when they drove to worksites far away. The sense of hierarchy was so strong that these super intelligent people were made to feel like unimportant losers.

This feeling, that some people are important, others aren't, was communicated in other ways too, especially through equipment and cell phones. I was a marketing person, therefore  my hours weren't billable, which made me less valuable to the company. This was communicated to me through my work tools, which were hand-me downs from my colleagues. ("Ahhh. That phone was mine for a while, before that, it was Francesco's and before that, who knows. Gosh, it looks so BIG now, compared to this one..."). I remember the day I plugged in my laptop dinosaur and it caught on fire! The people with the highest status, communicated through fancy phones, cool computers, and cars, were the sales people (I know. Gag).

I still lust for a fancy phone, by the way, but I use a 20 euro Nokia (which I bought with my own money when I opened my business), partly because, when I decided I wanted to create wealth, rather than just get by,  I started to track my spending. I mean every penny. I still do. It forced me to really look at where my money was going (beer and entertainment). Did you ever read the Millionaire Next Door? That's what made me decide I would rather be a rich girl with a crappy car (mine, all mine) than a fancy person with no bank in the bank.

While still at that job, I decided to try to live (with my husband) on just one salary and sock the other away into savings. That meant no eating out, walks with friends instead of dinner, and shoe polish and black magic marker instead of new shoes. 

It turned out to be easier than I thought, we became great cooks, and more outdoorsy, and pretty much no one noticed...until I told a colleague that we were living on one salary. He got angry and accused me of making more money than him. Which made his fancy phone seem like just a way to keep him quiet while I was making the big bucks...  

A little something about the Association

The Italian American Association in Trieste, Italy is an amazing place. When you walk in you feel the calm and comfort of a place filled with books. It has always been my refuge here, ever since I arrived 8 years ago. I knew I could come in and read and give my feet a rest between appointments downtown. All those books and magazines in English make me feel like I never left America sometimes.

The Association itself was started 50 years ago this year. We hope it will continue well into the future. Last year, around April, we were in danger of losing the apartment which houses the office and the library. In fact, the week I started as director, I received an eviction notice giving us 8 days to vacate the premises.

That week sucked.

As I write this, my 8-month old daughter is teaching herself how to crawl on the floor next to me. She is grunting a little, crying, turning herself over, getting herself up on one knee. Not so different from how Leo, the Association's new president, and I had to do last spring and summer.

Tough times. And so many uncomfortable moments. Like when I had to go to our sub-renters (who in theory were helping us pay the rent, but in practice the rent had not been paid in 6 months, and it was our fault. How could I not have been told that?) and say "I know you paid the rent, but you still may have to leave in 8 days..."

I wince when I think of it now.

Step One: get rid of the baddies

One of the reasons I became the director of my non-profit is my ignorance. I didn't know how to read a balance sheet and so I did not fully realize how much trouble the company (it's a non-profit, but that's a company too) was really in. I knew I could use my classroom management skills to manage a team, but when it came to the numbers, I was completely useless. The other reason I becamse director was because I genuinely believed in the Association and wanted it to do well. I also couldn't think of anyone at the time who believed in it as much as I did.

My strength, though, was that my experience as a classroom teacher in the States and in Italy taught me that status and responsibility aren't always related. The fact that I wasn't concerned with it (if you're a teacher, you're not expecting much in terms of prestige or pay, let's face it) but WAS concerned with performance, probably made me a good choice for not making the same mistakes my predecessors had done. In Italy, titles are important. The moment you become a MANAGER, or a DIRECTOR or a PRESIDENT, you change status and people want to know you.

But... to be important in Italy you have to communicate complete COMPETENCE. That's why my Association, over 30 years, went deeper and deeper into debt and no one seemed to know a thing about it (except the people who were constantly waiting for payment, of course). The people in charge never let anyone know that they were in trouble. Asking for help, or showing any kind of transparency, for that matter, communicates WEAKNESS. And that is a no-no.

Then I came along and everything changed.

For starters, I asked for help and told people about the real situation, foolishly thinking that this would ignite some kind of collective effort to save the Association. I learned a lot from doing this. For one thing, the exact OPPOSITE happened. People who were in a position to help us DISAPPEARED. At first I didn't understand this, but later I realized that these people were the problem (a disgruntled board member AND, not surprisingly, the accountant, also a board member, and whose lousy advice exacerbated the problem. When things got really bad, he actually threatened to SUE US!!) and they did not want their names to be connected to these kinds of problems. Good riddance.

This is an important part of the initial Clean up. Getting rid of the BADDIES.

This was step one to purification.

Step two was choosing a team to share the burden.

At least my non prof is a library!

I remember reading once that the easiest people to place in jobs were Psychology and French majors. I figured this was because psych majors knew something about people, and French majors were language people, intellectually curious, and perpetual students.

At least that is the case for me. Luckily, the non profit that I am currently trying to dig out of a big, dark, and deep hole is also the home to a 50-year-old library that is constantly being updated through donations from ex-pats and, lately, a nice grant from the US Gov.

Now that I have been at the helm for about a year and I am out of the worst part of the crisis, I decided it was time to start thinking long-range planning. I also decided it was time to learn about management-- figure out what the experts say.

So I picked up this book: THE ESSENTIAL DRUCKER which is 60 years of Peter Drucker's writing on Management. And you know what? It's pretty good reading. Not at all what I would have thought about business writing, especially when I was a young French major. Well written, good stuff.

Here's what I'm working on today. People. How to pick them, etc. And the wisdom comes down to this.

1. If I put someone in a position and they suck. It's my fault.
2. It is my job to make sure that person performs.
3. People decisions are important because they determine the capacity of the organization.
4. Don't give new people major assignments.

The two rules that I realized I have been weak on are number 2 and number 4. I need to make sure that people know their job (I must communicate it to them) and I shouldn't expect new people to do anything other than what I can communicate well and offer help doing.

My experience with number two has to do with Accounting. More about that in a minute.

Learning to lead, make money and be good

The first thing you should know about me is that I am a sucker. That is to say I am gullible, I trust nearly everyone, I am impulsive, a risk-taker, optimistic to a fault, and I do not read the fine print. That is what I was going to call this blog-- read the fine print, people. Do as I say, not as I do. But that was taken. 

Having said that, now look at the title of this entry. These are the things I have been thinking about lately. Can you do all three? Can you do the first two without being a jerk? Can you do all three at the same time? I am learning to lead, make money, and be good. The third item seems to be coming along okay-- I have had good models  in my life and happen to dislike bad people. Now I would like to reconcile my desire to be good with the freedom and autonomy that comes with creating wealth. 

On the money front I have to think in terms of the non-profit I run, which is an economic disaster-- hence the title. I took it over without truly understanding how bad the situation was, more on that later. Which is another reason I am a sucker, but I choose to see it this way: one person's sinking ship is another's opportunity. I jumped on that sinking ship and I am committed to turning it into lemonade. 

On the other hand, I also need to eat, I never want to be an employee again, and I never ever want to worry about money. 

So here is a beginner's guide to learning a few things about saving a company, being a good leader, a decent person and knowing a little something about money.