Why do I freeze up about finances?

I know what I need to do: schedule an appointment with my accountant to get 2010 settled. I just can't seem to get my lazy arse to do it. I think (but I'm not sure) I have to do it by the end of this month.

My finances are pretty simple. I just need to print my invoices, write the dates they were paid, and photocopy phone bills and any health receipts  (I get to deduct those for a 20% refund), put them all together in a folder and hand them over to my accountant. I deduct gas, too, so I will give him those receipts as well. I am not yet a big earner, so I only have to declare and pay taxes for my little business once a year.

Easy peasy.

But what's keeping me from making that call? It's the idea that I will then have to pay taxes, and him. Now, I remember last year, I didn't have to pay that much at all (I pay 39% tax total, but 20% is paid by the people I bill, and they pay it directly, so I never even see that money. The other 19% I have to pay after any deductions, which my accountant figures out based on the documents I give him. I haven't bought any equipment this year, I don't do much expensing because I don't travel very often and when I do, usually the client pays that stuff, so basically what I earned is what I will pay on. Period.) I have an excel sheet where I keep track of all of this, by the way, so I could even tell you exactly how much I will be expected to pay (I am paralyzed from looking for some reason). I know I have more than enough money in the bank to cover my tax bill and accountant fees (which is NOT the case when I have to pay the taxes for the Association. There we pay LOTS more taxes and the money is NOT there). I planned for them and as a rule spend much less than what I earn, so everything should be simple, right?

Well, I'm frozen anyway. It's that poor person in my head saying YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY! THE LONGER YOU PUT IT OFF, THE MORE MONEY YOU'LL HAVE IN YOUR ACCOUNT.

This is the same voice that used to scream at me when bills were due in college; I often paid them late (dumb!) because I was so afraid of having an empty bank account. So I would accrue late fees and be even poorer once I paid them. I also lived from paycheck to paycheck then, because spending everything was more in line with the way I felt inside-- Broke.

I have come a long way since then. But that voice is still there sometimes, and it doesn't matter how much I have changed my relationship with money over the years. It awakens a real fear that I will end up with nothing.

I am not the only one who hears these voices. I'm sure those same doubts come to people who want to lose weight, change careers, create meaningful relationships, and do other kinds of difficult things. These inner voices are experts at the slap down.

You may not be into affirmations and things, but I can tell you that if you have these nasty demons inside of you, they can help to squelch them, at least temporarily. Here is my mantra for today:

I AM READY TO CLOSE 2010. I AM RICH.

Plus, it's Saturday and my accountant's office is closed. Phyooo!!!