Going back to the self-esteem test, I checked this as true.
"I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY TIME"
Since I am an independent worker and don’t have an office (well, it’s in the living room since my “office” is now a baby bedroom), it is very easy to mistake just about EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD as being more important than my work. Plus, I have a baby and have never put her in daycare or with a sitter when I was not working billable hours (which usually means I am teaching outside the house, as even translations can be done when the baby is sleeping, which, by the way, is never during the day).
Even if I want to get something done, how can I NOT put everything aside and PLAY WITH HER if she is looking up at me with her big brown eyes and smiling with those two new teeth??
I do not give myself the time that I need to get my work done at home, which makes me feel lousy and frustrated. Not to mention how difficult it is to make money if you’re not doing your work. Huh duh! But it is a convenient excuse. If I don’t have time, I can’t get my work done, if I can’t get my work done, I can’t make money. And that’s bad.
As I write this I realize that it’s not the WORST thing that could happen, though. It would be MUCH WORSE to DO THE WORK and NOT GET PAID, than NOT do the WORK and NOT GET PAID.
This is like the B student who doesn’t have to work to get Bs. With just a little effort, she could be an A student, but she is full of fear. What if she does the work and fails anyway? Then people will know she is a loser and make fun of her. In that case, she does not fail, she IS a failure and then everyone will know the truth.
Hey, that B student was me pretty much all through school. I am my own worst hater.
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